Friday, June 10, 2016

The Lost Crochet Files - 7

  This looks to be the last of my lost files... As of right now I can't find any more. Who knows? Maybe I'll find some in a hidden folder, but this seems to have been the bulk of it. This one project is perfect for the end of the series because it actually involves the infamous notebook-eating dog's owner. Long story short about this piece: Yes, I crocheted a fishing net; no, that's not the way they're usually made, but it's what I was asked to do. So I did it.

  The longer story is about the motivation behind the project. I consider this to be the most obnoxious thing I ever created - And it was made obnoxiously with a BIG purpose. It may not be so classy to go putting the whole explanation out in public, but whatever... The parties involved are no longer part of my life, and I feel the need to tell the whole story about my "happiest" creation from the past.

  I will warn you that some of this could be viewed as offensive, but I'm censoring the worst and hopefully you'll understand... Just, please know that I don't agree with the views of the character in this post and he disgusts me. Also, I would never make fun of anybody but him. I'm going to tell this story openly and honestly. Anything that's not "pc" here is just part of the purpose behind this project, and not meant to be offensive.

So, how did this "rainbow" fishing net come to be? Well, when somebody has been a bit of a jerk lately, you make him something he doesn't want!

crochet, fishing net, gag project, Lost Crochet Files

  Okay, there's much more behind that... Let's leave this person unnamed, other than being the notebook-eating dog's owner. And my ex-boss. Day after day, I used to put up with His Jerkiness. From comments about why women can't drive to why black people should go back to Africa (sorry I even wrote that, but does it help you get what a jerk he is?), I continued to put up with his bigotry for my paycheck. I don't know if it was some form of retaliation, stress relief, or an attempt to get him to see the wrong in his ways, but I developed a habit of making snarky comments towards his low intelligence... To no avail, because it all went over his head.

Great work environment, huh?

  And if we ever had any obviously gay customers come in, boy, he would carry on about it for the rest of the day. A gay guy patted him on the shoulder once, just saying "thanks", and he was worried that the guy was going to come back for him later. I was amused in one way, but mostly disappointed - I mean, to think that the guy is after you, only because he used a common social gesture, and happens to be gay... I realized that he wasn't just a bigot; he was extremely homophobic.

  They might not be my finest moments, but I made it a goal to try to put him in awkward situations. Like not telling him I was still on the phone with a customer as he called them the "N" word, and leaving for a long lunch just as they came to take their business elsewhere... And when he asked me if I could put my crochet skills to use repairing his fishing net, I saw a new opportunity. You see, he made a special request for the project: I couldn't make it in any of those "gay colors", because there was a lot of... Um, okay, I can't do it. I won't even put a censored version in here. I'll take over here, and translate that there's a high number of gay people in the area where he goes fishing. So, you know, the idiot is afraid that if his fishing net is colorful, it will attract the "wrong" sort of attention.

crochet, fishing net, gag project, Lost Crochet Files

  I would have made it in actual rainbow colors, but these were the only colors of nylon string the hardware store had. It served its purpose, because when I presented him with his "repaired" net - Ha ha ha, he had a fit, screaming about how everybody was going to think he was gay with a net like that. I told him "sorry, it was the only three rolls of string they had left in the store", and I didn't really care if he believed me or not, as long as it shut him up. He took it fishing, and OMG, what a big surprise (I say that sarcastically): He made it back without getting assaulted, attacked, or even spoken to by any gay people.  

  Unfortunately, it could have been a lesson, but he couldn't stop carrying on about how he got scared every time he saw a boatload of guys... That's funny, dude, because aren't you IN a boat with a bunch of guys? The net was conveniently destroyed on the next fishing trip. I'm not sure if it was done on purpose, or if they're just dumb, since the first net had suffered the same fate of a knife... Some people just never learn.

  On the bright side, at least I received a lesson from that. Just like learning, some people never change, either. I now knew that my antics would never get him to see the light, and began cutting all ties with him. It's too bad I didn't make that decision before he went on that fishing trip, because then I never would have watched his dog, and this whole series would have never existed... It would have been a bunch of great patterns. So since it happened this way, I hope you've enjoyed the reading. It's been great looking back on past projects. Now I have to get to work recreating some of them.

Happy Crocheting!

If you missed the beginning of this series, and you're wondering what in the world it's all about, then here you go! Check out these links to the entire "Lost Crochet Files" series:

Blog Archive