Saturday, November 19, 2016

Have Anxiety, Must Crochet

  That's it! Call the Funny Farm, I'm ready for them to come get me. (I'm only being sarcastic, please don't call them again.😉) There has been two separate events over the past two weeks that have left me paralyzed with anxiety and unable to sleep more than ever. I am so very thankful that in times like these, I have the gift of crochet to keep me from completely losing my mind.


  When I found myself so shaken that I couldn't hold a hook in my hand, I turned to my plarn granny squares using finger crochet. It's a big, chunky project that's easy to hang on to with trembling fingers. When I realized that I would never get anything done if I kept popping up from the table with every noise, I forced myself into my recliner - Not to relax, but so I could see out the window while I worked.

crochet, plarn, granny square, finger crochet, anxiety


  It took over an hour for my hands to find their strength again. In my nervous state, I kept making silly mistakes that set me back again and again. But ripping and stitching made me focus on something other than my fear, and I finally made some progress in the last square needed to create the bag I have planned.

crochet, plarn, granny square, finger crochet, anxiety


  You might think I'm overreacting, but I'm not kidding when I say I'm glad to have my scissors at hand to make more material. No chop or rotary cutter today - Just a good old-fashioned craft tool that doubles as a weapon. (Kinda makes me want to go back to practicing my knitting so I can have a couple of pointy sticks, too...) Both situations left me genuinely in fear for my life, and I don't think you can blame me for wanting to arm myself.

crochet, plarn, granny square, finger crochet, anxiety


  If you're asking "what's going on?", then you're thankfully not one of the people that have been sending me threats. After showing some military support for Veterans and Remembrance Day, my social media accounts started blowing up with personal messages from unknown profiles - Ones that were conveniently deleted shortly after. Some were religious rants, others called me American scum, but more than one was threatening my life. It was only empty (?) threats made in virtual reality, so again, you might think I'm overreacting... But please excuse me while this gets a bit graphic: I had a man tell me he was going to stab me in the vagina so I could be raped and gutted at the same time.


  How did crocheting get me here? Are they serious that I deserve that for making some flowers and a dagger? The craziness, the cruelty, the senselessness of hearing these things over a crochet project... It has made me lose nearly all my faith in humanity. And it also did exactly what I think they were hoping for - It made me fearful. They might have scared me good for a short time, but I don't and won't back down. When you make me fearful, I'll just grab my crochet to still my shaking hands. So you see, there's a ray of sunshine in this whole cloud of darkness:
 
crochet, plarn, granny square, finger crochet, anxiety

  And just beyond that ray of sunshine is a loaded rifle, because that makes me feel even better. So just in case they're not kidding, I'm not either. The crochet is just to still my fingers so they're steady on a trigger. After the threats in virtual reality, I faced an even scarier situation... Long story short, Rip van Winkle sold his truck - From our house, because since he works with the buyer, he trusted the guy. A week later, the guy says he wants his money back, "or else". Knowing Rip was still at work, the guy left and showed up here to harass me and wouldn't leave, even after I called the police.


  When a man waits for a woman half his size to get far away from the house before confronting her (knowing she's alone), and refuses to leave the property even while she's on the phone with the cops, you know you're not dealing with a stable person... Right? So this is a buyer- and seller-beware situation: Don't buy a truck for $800 thinking it won't need some work (especially after you're told that it needs work), and don't sell things from your house, even if you think you know the person. People. Are. Crazy.


crochet, plarn, granny square, finger crochet, anxiety

  Through all the stress, I managed to put that bag together. I added some of squares backwards and had to rip back a few times. In the end, I made one of my seams in the wrong direction so the bag twists a bit. Since it's just an experimental pattern, I'm not worried about fixing it. The point wasn't to make a perfect project; the point was to occupy myself with something so I could focus through fear. I still have to make handles for it, but I ran out of material. Darn, I guess I'll have to keep those scissors close by for a little longer...


  But I'm still not kidding. The crazy truck buyer - I now have a trespass warrant against him, and he won't be back if he's smart... If. However, he proved to me how insane people can get over something they believe is right. Although they're most likely hollow attempts to scare me out of amusement, I'm not taking those social media messages lightly. I'll be taking up my hook (or finger) to crochet away my anxiety, and spending some time making my property a little more secure.


Happy Crocheting! 
PS - To my friends who may be missing me on social media, you can guess that this is why. I'll only be sharing my posts from in-browser so I don't have to fully log in, which leaves me missing everything shared by others. I'm not gone from it forever - I just can't take any more threats right now.

10 comments:

  1. Oh my god, that is terrible! I can't believe how people act...
    I hope everything will soon be better for you...
    You're totally right, let the crochet calm and strengthen you...
    I really hope you'll be allright.
    Take care, Sigrid

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    1. Crochet is slowly working its magic. Slowly, but still working. I really do think I'll be fine, and they were only trying to scare me. They got what they wanted, but I'll bounce back.
      Thank you so much, Sigrid! I hope you have a wonderful day.

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  2. Frankly said: I'm speachless. How can people behave like this? I've you're not of the same opinion, there's no real need to express it but there's most surely no reason to get nasty.
    Dear Jenny, take as much time as you need to get things sorted out. We'll still be here for you when you're back!
    I send you strength and courage!
    Marjan

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    1. I also can't see how people can be so nasty, but I describe them with a saying I hear often in the south: Their mama didn't raise them right. I wouldn't have a problem if they simply wanted to voice a difference of opinion, but I see no point in taking it to verbal abuse or threats.
      I hope that I won't be "in hiding" for too long, but we'll see how this plays out. Just ignoring the messages helps enough. Support and kind words from friends like you are much appreciated. Thank you, Marjan, and I hope you have a peaceful day!

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  3. This is just wrong. This is so WRONG! I don't know what to say. Who says that? That is some serious not right in the head stuff and I am so sorry you received such threats and abuse.

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    1. They're the ones who should be sorry, Stella. No, they *are* sorry, in a worthless, no-good, scum kind of way. And when they get tired of picking on me, I'll go on supporting the cause... Which just proves how worthless their threats are.
      I think I'm starting to recover from the anxiety and beginning to get angry. Thank you.

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  4. Take heart. These people are cowards. I'm from a military family, WW1, WW2, Korea, Vietnam and my own son deployed in the infantry to Iraq, Solomons and Timor - it's amazing what a toll it takes of one to say goodbye with the pipes playing so many times and wonder if that's the last time you'll see him...all the time knowing how you yourself did the same thing.

    So to have someone like yourself support veterans, is more encouraging than you will probably every realise.

    Tyr to ignore them as none of them have had the courage to ever defend their country and they've proved it by such cowardly actions.

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    1. I can't imagine the fear of saying goodbye to your child under such circumstances, and that's one of the things that hits me the most about the military: It's not just the soldiers that go through hell. Thank you, to you and your family, for standing up in service.
      Because I can't serve my country, I feel it's my duty to support those who do. Last year I had an encounter with a less-nasty person over my support for a military charity, and it was disheartening. Then I saw a veteran cry, simply because I had crocheted a blanket for donation. That was when I vowed to never back down from doing the little bit that I can in return for their service.
      Thank you, Don. Your words help so much to restore my nerves, for you are absolutely right: They are cowards.

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  5. Oh wow. Horrible. Thank you so much for supporting our vets! They deserve all the respect they can get.
    So thankful you have weapons to protect yourself!! I'll pray you own't need them.

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    1. All the respect, and then some... Thank you, Melinda. I'm hoping I won't need weapons too, but crochet is keeping that trigger finger steady, just in case. I'm pretty positive that I'm just dealing with the internet equivalent of a "telephone tough-guy". Keyboard cowards.

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