I was originally going to title this post "Too Many WIP's and Not Enough Brains", but I decided that was a bit lengthy. Plus, how can you have too many WIP's? It's a lot like yarn - You know you don't really need all that, but you just... can't... help it!
So, this week I might have given myself a lesson in why you can have too many WIP's... Or, you at least why I should learn to pay lots and lots of attention! In a notebook, I keep track of (almost) every project I'm working on. I write down the yarn, the hook, and record any special stitches or notes as I go. (That's all part of writing a pattern anyways.) Some patterns keep me glued to my notebook as I work. Others are simple repetitive designs that I can pick back up without a glance at my book. Yeah... Maybe I should have consulted that book...
It doesn't take an advanced crocheter to see that the two hooks pictured are very different in size. So, what in the world was I thinking when I picked up the large hook to continue the project that's being worked with a H/8 - 5.00MM? I wasn't thinking. I'm exhausted. I'm stressed. And it made me mess up again. The entire time I was adding six inches to the design, my stitch count wasn't coming out right. When working a flat piece in the round, you should typically increase by the same number of stitches each round. My number wasn't increasing properly, but I continued working anyways.
Now, I'm no dummy. I should have known better. But I have a bad habit. A long time ago, somebody robbed me of my ability to have confidence in anything I do. Even when I know my decision is right, there's still a voice inside screaming "How stupid are you? I can't believe how dumb you are! You're an idiot - No wonder you can't do anything right!"... So I've developed an even worse habit of automatically ignoring that voice. Although that voice really needs to shut up, maybe I should take its advice once in a while. My "Ignore the Voice" attitude lead me to keep working, when I should have stopped to take a second look. Instead, I had to unravel all this yarn:
If this was any regular in-the-round pattern, I would have listened to the voice. This design is different. It tells a story as it's worked. In order to tell the story, I worked into previous rounds, above and below, and there's even a bit of "weaving". The stitch count strays from a normal in-the-round pattern, because there's extra stitches needed to work around other stitches. To keep the piece flat, I found I needed to tweak the stitch count when I made a round behind the work - only on some rounds and not for others. I usually rely on math to make sure my count is correct, but this design requires some guessing. I ignored the voice when it was screaming "You're wrong!", because it screamed that at me a few rounds ago. I ripped out two rounds because of that voice, when I had the pattern right all along.
Math lets me tell that voice to "stick it", because the numbers are there in front of me. I like proof. Guesswork leaves me vulnerable to the constant nagging of my doubt. Why? Now there's a new voice saying "Omg, you're dumb sometimes", but this one means it in a nice way. Why, on round 15, would I already have the absolute certainty that this round will mess up what round 22 will be? Hello! I'm the one designing it! I can make round 22 whatever I want! If it doesn't work with round 15, just change it! (Duh!)
So, yeah, I'm dumb sometimes. Dumb for listening to that stupid voice. I feel kinda dumb for picking up the wrong size hook, but I'll blame it on my fight with that voice and just get over it. Uncertainty makes us stress over the little things that don't really matter. Hesitation causes us to make errors that could be critical. Sometimes we need to second guess ourselves to ensure we don't make those big mistakes. There's a fine line between when we should listen to the voice of doubt and when we should ignore it. Let's just work on getting it to speak a little more politely and with a bit less criticism.