A Last Minute WIP

  Four days. I have four days until I get married. After The Microsoft Bungle made me blow my "wedding" budget, I scrambled to figure something out. I wasn't planning on wearing a traditional wedding dress, and I was even toying with the thought of wearing pants and boots. I love pants and boots. Big, black boots with grommets, laces, and maybe even some metal spikes. Gimme a spiked collar to go with that. That's what I'm comfortable in. The Other Half said he just wants me to be comfortable...

  But he kinda frowned upon spikes. He's a redneck-ish simple guy, and I blast heavy metal. Great match. Anyway, we were out shopping and I was just making a joke about a dress. That's when I found out he did seem to like the idea of me in something other than metal gear (or my daily rubber boots around the yard). Okay, so here I go, completely out of my comfort zone:

(That wall is compliments of the dog, by the way. After he ripped out two sheets of drywall right after we replaced it [because he ripped it out the first time], I stopped fixing stuff. Now that he's grown up, this pic makes me think I need to get back to it. Maybe that's what we can do on our 'honeymoon', lol.)


  I found a dress at Ross for under $20. I hate it. In defense of the dress, I hate every dress. Or maybe I just hate me in a dress. Either way, I tried it on and hated it. When I brought it back out so quickly, the employee back in the fitting room asked me why I didn't like it. I told her I just don't wear dresses. "I'll be more comfortable in pants", I told her. She asked me what it was for. I only said "a wedding". She asked me who's wedding, and what's the attire? "My wedding", I said, and she went all "Mom" on me.


  The Other Half was standing to the side, waiting. She asks me "Is this the guy?", "Yeah" I reply. She turns to the Other Half and says "What's the matter with you? You can't let her get married in pants! It's her special day!", and I almost expected her to give him a little slap. This leaves me a bit confused, since I'm the one that wants to wear pants. Oh well. She made me go try the dress on again and come back out in it. That's when I almost lost it.


  I really hate attracting the attention of people I don't know. I do my best to avoid conversations. And especially when it comes to social situations, I'm not very feminine. Let's have a beer and a spitting contest. I'll be comfortable. Let's talk about who's got more torque and better gearing. Got that. I have no idea what to do when the fitting room lady and two other ladies I don't know start spewing about how beautiful I look in a dress.

 
"Oh, how pretty!" says fitting room lady.


Unknown lady that I presume is waiting for the cackling teenage girls in the fitting room: "Oh, that fits you so perfectly!"


Unknown lady just walking by who has to stop to say: "Oh, that's beautiful!"


Unknown lady #1: "What's it for?"


By the way, I'm just akwardly standing there, looking at the guy behind her as he rolls his eyes; almost laughing, because I feel like doing the same...


Fitting room lady: "She's getting married!"


Unknown lady #2: "You're getting married?! You're not wearing a wedding dress?!"


(Finally) Me: "No, it's not really a "real" wedding, so there's no need for a wedding dress. I think I'm just gonna wear pants."


All three: "PANTS?!"


Lady #2: "No, you're not wearing pants. You're wearing that dress. It's perfect. Get it."


Lady #1: "It's beautiful. You look beautiful in it. Get the dress. Wear it."


Fitting room lady: "She's geting the dress. She has to." Turns to the Other Half: "If you don't make her wear that dress, I will.


Me in between all those comments: "But... but... but..." I look up and see a bunch of other people peeking from around the aisles, women all smiling at me, some nodding approval and a few others murmuring about how nice/pretty/beautiful I look. And then I started to cry, so I said "Okay", and went back into the fitting rooms before anybody saw.


  And that's how I got my "under $20 wedding dress". The dress I don't have shoes for. I was going to wear boots, but the Other Half says heels would be nicer. So I bought a pair of $30 heels, and I hated them with the dress. Those are getting returned, and I ordered a pair I found online - so cute, with pearls on the straps (barf). Now, I'm hoping they get here in time. I still need to get my hair cut (which I haven't done in about 7 years), and the Other Half wants me to get bangs (gulp). I'm also hoping to finish the accessory I decided to start six days before the wedding.

  I really don't like the neckline of the dress. It needs... Something. I have a neck like a deformed giraffe, and I think the high circular neckline makes me look more freakish than usual. I thought about jewelry, but I don't have anything that would look nice. We don't even have rings, so I'm not spending more money on something I don't need. I considered getting it altered. Yeah, right. That would cost more than the dress. So, what kind of accessory could I add to dress it up? A wedding shawl! Since I'm so stressed that I really don't know if I want to get married anymore, let's make it a "prayer" shawl. And all the gushing from the ladies made me think maybe I should have something special, so I'm gonna make it with my odd-sized antique steel hook that belonged to Great-Grandma. That will make it extra-special for me. And yes, it's black, because that's my favorite color.

   I'm short on time, so it will have to be a shawlette. Made in black crochet thread, I might go blind before the wedding. Should I go as far as adding beads? We'll see if I have time. The one thing I can tell you is: I'm not gonna get it done if I continue to sit here typing! Ya'll might not see me for the rest of the week. If you don't, then you know it's not done. If you do, then I'll probably be sharing pictures! And by the way: I was told by my "bridesmaid" who is a dude, that I need flowers. I need flowers?

Happy Crocheting!

Oh, yeah... You know there will be a pattern, too!