Tuesday, October 6, 2015

A Last Minute WIP

  Four days. I have four days until I get married. After The Microsoft Bungle made me blow my "wedding" budget, I scrambled to figure something out. I wasn't planning on wearing a traditional wedding dress, and I was even toying with the thought of wearing pants and boots. I love pants and boots. Big, black boots with grommets, laces, and maybe even some metal spikes. Gimme a spiked collar to go with that. That's what I'm comfortable in. The Other Half said he just wants me to be comfortable...

crochet, shawlette, WIP

  But he kinda frowned upon spikes. He's a redneck-ish simple guy, and I blast heavy metal. Great match. Anyways, when we went shopping, I was just making a joke about a dress. That's when I found out he did seem to like the idea of me in something other than metal gear (or my daily rubber boots around the yard). Okay, so here I go, completely out of my comfort zone:

crochet, dress, wedding,

(That wall is compliments of the dog, by the way. After he ripped out two sheets of drywall right after we replaced it [because he ripped it out the first time], I stopped fixing stuff. Now that he's grown up, this pic makes me think I need to get back to it. Maybe that's what we can do on our 'honeymoon', lol.)

  I found a dress at Ross for under $20. I hate it. In defense of the dress, I hate every dress. Or maybe I just hate me in a dress. Either way, I tried it on and hated it. When I brought it back out so quickly, the employee back in the fitting room asked me why I didn't like it. I told her I just don't wear dresses. "I'll be more comfortable in pants", I told her. She asked me what it was for. I only said "a wedding". She asked me who's wedding, and what's the attire? "My wedding", I said, and she went all "Mom" on me.

  The Other Half was standing to the side, waiting. She asks me "Is this the guy?", "Yeah" I reply. She turns to the Other Half and says "What's the matter with you? You can't let her get married in pants! It's her special day!", and I almost expected her to give him a little slap. This leaves me a bit confused, since I'm the one that wants to wear pants. Oh well. She made me go try the dress on again and come back out in it. That's when I almost lost it.

  I really hate attracting the attention of people I don't know. I do my best to avoid conversations. And especially when it comes to social situations, I'm not very feminine. Let's have a beer and a spitting contest. I'll be comfortable. Let's talk about who's got more torque and better gearing. Got that. I have no idea what to do when the fitting room lady and two other ladies I don't know start spewing about how beautiful I look in a dress.

"Oh, how pretty!" says fitting room lady.

Unknown lady that I presume is waiting for the cackling teenage girls in the fitting room: "Oh, that fits you so perfectly!"

Unknown lady just walking by who has to stop to say: "Oh, that's beautiful!"

Unknown lady #1: "What's it for?"

By the way, I'm just akwardly standing there, looking at the guy behind her as he rolls his eyes; almost laughing, because I feel like doing the same...

Fitting room lady: "She's getting married!"

Unknown lady #2: "You're getting married?! You're not wearing a wedding dress?!"

(Finally) Me: "No, it's not really a "real" wedding, so there's no need for a wedding dress. I think I'm just gonna wear pants."

All three: "PANTS?!"

Lady #2: "No, you're not wearing pants. You're wearing that dress. It's perfect. Get it."

Lady #1: "It's beautiful. You look beautiful in it. Get the dress. Wear it."

Fitting room lady: "She's geting the dress. She has to." Turns to the Other Half: "If you don't make her wear that dress, I will.

Me in between all those comments: "But... but... but..." I look up and see a bunch of other people peeking from around the aisles, women all smiling at me, some nodding approval and a few others murmuring about how nice/pretty/beautiful I look. And then I started to cry, so I said "Okay", and went back into the fitting rooms before anybody saw.

  And that's how I got my "under $20 wedding dress". The dress I don't have shoes for. I was going to wear boots, but the Other Half says heels would be nicer. So I bought a pair of $30 heels, and I hated them with the dress. Those are getting returned, and I ordered a pair I found online - so cute, with pearls on the straps (barf). Now, I'm hoping they get here in time. I still need to get my hair cut (which I haven't done in about 7 years), and the Other Half wants me to get bangs (gulp). I'm also hoping to finish the accessory I decided to start six days before the wedding.

crochet, shoes, wedding

  I really don't like the neckline of the dress. It needs... Something. I have a neck like a deformed giraffe, and I think the high circular neckline makes me look more freakish than usual. I thought about jewelry, but I don't have anything that would look nice. We don't even have rings, so I'm not spending more money on something I don't need. I considered getting it altered. Yeah, right. That would cost more than the dress. So, what kind of accessory could I add to dress it up? A wedding shawl! Since I'm so stressed that I really don't know if I want to get married anymore, let's make it a "prayer" shawl. And all the gushing from the ladies made me think maybe I should have something special, so I'm gonna make it with my odd-sized antique steel hook that belonged to Great-Grandma. That will make it extra-special for me. And yes, it's black, because that's my favorite color.

crochet, WIP, wedding, shawlette

   I'm short on time, so it will have to be a shawlette. Made in black crochet thread, I might go blind before the wedding. Should I go as far as adding beads? We'll see if I have time. The one thing I can tell you is: I'm not gonna get it done if I continue to sit here typing! Ya'll might not see me for the rest of the week. If you don't, then you know it's not done. If you do, then I'll probably be sharing pictures! And by the way: I was told by my "bridesmaid" who is a dude, that I need flowers. I need flowers?

Happy Crocheting!
Oh, yeah... You know there will be a pattern, too!

crochet, pattern, WIP, wedding, shawlette



  1. The dress is lovely! The shawlette will be too. its a shawlette, so ... you make it until you are oust of time and then wrap it around your neck and go. It will be as big as it needs to be. :0

    And no matter what all you really have to do to get married is these three things: keep breathing in and out, show up to the wedding, and say "Ido". Everything else is extra duty.

    1. Oh, thank you so much. I'm stressing over what other people think about what I'm wearing, where it will be, and who's gonna be there. They don't realize that it's better than my first marriage where I was woken from a nap and tricked into signing papers in my pj's. No kiss; not even an "I do" - Then at my protest of "What do you mean we just got married?", the response of: "Well, you got what you wanted, right? There's no reason to make it a big deal. Okay, I gotta go to work. Make sure you get somebody to sign as a witness on the paper. See ya"... An "I do" without an insult is all I need this time.

      I don't 'need' flowers. We're getting married for under $100. I should take the money that would be spent on flowers and give it to you for the therapy sessions, lol. You always make me feel better. Thanks again, Jenn!

  2. Hi Jenny,
    Just wanted to say that the dress is lovely and makes your figure look brilliant. Enjoy your day, it will fly in. Its almost my 16th wedding anniversary, we took ourselves off to Las Vegas as we didn't want a big fuss and I can't believe how quickly the time has passed, mind you, the little honeymoon" bundle of joy" that was onboard by the time we got home has kept us busy!!
    Congratulations, have a great day and post plenty of pics!

    1. Thanks a bunch, Julie - And congratulations on your many happy years!

  3. Update: Two days and counting... And it looks like there won't be a wedding. Leave it to a hairstylist and an ex-husband to make me break down - Then the Other Half says he doesn't understand why I'm so upset. When you're stressing about your new looks-like-a-five-year-old-did-it haircut and your ex gets on the phone to yell about what you NEED to do (so loudly that I had to leave the store because people were staring), all while you're trying to shop for shoes because the ones you ordered WERE NEVER SHIPPED OUT... Yeah. I don't see a reason to be upset. I don't see a reason to have a wedding, either. I'll get married when someone wants to stand by my side instead of walking away.

  4. Wear. Your jeans if it feels good, wear a scarf over your hair if you hate it , wellies ? Why not . my wedding day was made miserable by everyone wanting the perfect bride.....I haven't made the same mistake this time round , I could show up bald and wearing my boots and he'd just smile and laugh and love me

    1. Oh, that's the problem! After he said he just wants me to be comfortable, now he wants me in the dress. I cut my hair because he wanted me to... What's next that I'll hate? Why, after 10 years, do I suddenly need to change myself?

      The scarf is food for thought, though. I tried to use the shawlette, but my one- inch- long bangs poke out of it.

      Thanks for the advice, Kate. I have a lot of thinking to do and very little time.

  5. One day to go update: At least the stylist at the salon was able to fix my hair - the best she could - and only charged me $5. It's pretty bad when another stylist asks you what the other stylist was thinking, lol. In the first guy's defense, the lady I saw yesterday says I have a "predominant cowlick" that causes a big problem with my bangs.

    Will we go through with it? I still don't know. It's not like I'm being Bridezilla... But there's questions that he needs to answer, like "What kind of pants are you wearing?" and "Are you inviting anybody else?"... And the answer is always "I don't know" or "I don't care". Well, if you don't care, then... I don't know.

    Just in case, I found a beautiful sheer scarf that matches the dress - for $2. Not bad! I'm in a love/hate relationship with my WIP, so I need a backup. It's beautiful, it's almost finished, and I'm thinking of adding beads today. The problem is, I can't seem to wear it in the right way; it looks awkward. However, it's still a WIP on the hook, so I need to finish it to be sure!

  6. The dress is lovely and the shawlette will be, I'm sure !
    Have a nice weekend !

    1. Thanks, Anna! Hope you enjoy your weekend, too!

  7. Hoping you had the best day, best regards and happy ever after to you both!!!

    1. Thanks, Janet! It's done - After all the added stress from others, we decided to get it done without telling anybody else. Had two friends 'stand up' for us, took them out to dinner, and had a nice, quiet time.

      If only I could spend the next week off my feet, after they got me into four-inch heels for the day :)

  8. You look fantastic in that dress! I like your hair up like that too. Seeing as this was written 8 days ago-ish then I guess you're married now. I can't wait to see pics (we are going to see pics aren't we? I'll just go and check....yes! I've got to go and read it now). I know all about dogs that slam through walls and having to fix them, but I rather like your wooden feature wall.

    1. Thanks, Stella! The hair got changed, but - It's done! There's... Well, one picture. The Other Half isn't into being shared all over the internet :)

      Lol... And I could write a book about how many things that dog has destroyed.


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